Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Fish Speaks to Issue of Playfulness

Dear Agatha,

As you may observe, I am not going to play with you. You are a kitten, an untried mixture of "cute"* and activity.

I am a contemplative older cat, wise in years, dignified, private and very good-looking. I follow a Benedictine Spirituality for Cats**.  Playful? I am not.

Get over it and stop trying to pat my face, play with my tail, jump on me when I am under the covers meditating, try to get my cat cookies, chase me down the hall, ask me questions, try to sniff me and etc.

Being a distinctive Ginger Cat and published author of 27 e-books of poetry, deep thoughts and suggestions for How to Run the World, I am too busy to play.

Yours with a paw with your name on it,

*I don't think you are cute. Everyone else says you are cute.
**Benedictine but not following the rule of being kind to other cats.

Monday, May 14, 2012

The Horrors of Daily Kitten Life

Yesterday Agatha stayed in the CLOSET when the door closed! She was trapped and even I with my extra toes could not get the door opened to save her. She meowed until the BIG CAT opened the door to let her out. Yours, Dubby

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Memo from Senior Cat Fish

To be distributed throughout the home:

1. The Cat Climbing Tower is mine. Do not sit on the lower portion. Do not sit on the top portion.

2. When Cat Kibbles are served, remain 42" from the bowl and wait until I have eaten. When I have eaten and begun a bath, remain 42" from the bowl because I may return to bowl for a second helping. After I have walked 6' from the bowl showing no interest in the crumbs left in the bowl, you may eat the crumbs. Do not leave "floaties" in the water bowl.

3. The Cat Quilt sent to ME by My Sue is off-limits. I found black and white fur on it yesterday and sent it out to be cleaned. Do not even breathe near my Cat Quilt.

4. Ear Scratches are for me first.

5. When I enter the room, do not approach me to sniff me, attempt to play with me or ask me questions about theology. Not. Interested.

Sincerely and with the hope you will get the message,

Fish, Sr. Cat of Household

Monday, January 23, 2012

Dubby's Diary

Dear Diary,

I'm proud of my kitten, Agatha. She's doing great with learning to lapsit, chasing paper balls and snuggling. Every cat should have a kitten for a pal!

Before Agatha was my kitten, I thought I would never have a friend. My cat Whistle and my dog Sister both left me. Fish is a contemplative in the Order of Grumpy Cats so he doesn't need me. He says mean things to me and tries to hit me with his paw.

Agatha loves me and I love her. She calls me "Mom", "Dad", "Uncle" and "Mr." I don't think she knows much about titles.

Oh! She is learning to meow in her big cat voice. You should hear her!


Saturday, December 24, 2011

Emergency Letter to Santa Paws

Dear Santa Paws,
I know you are busy today on Christmas Eve but I need your help! You got letters from me, my brother Fish and our dog Annie but I don't think you got a letter from my kitten, Agatha. She is new and this is her first Christmas.
She came to be my kitten from the mean streets. She didn't have a round tummy or a good smell. She was tired and scared. Now, she has a tummy full of cat cookies and smells like I gave her a baff which I did. I love her.
She will like anything you bring her. If your sleigh is full already, take out some of my gifts and put hers in my place. Bring the gifts to my house because she lives here with me.
She looks good in every color, has bright green eyes and loves to dance.
Please Santa Paws, don't forget my Agatha.

Love from your,

Saturday, December 17, 2011

A Note from Professor Whiskers

To Whom it May Concern:

We are delighted to have Agatha enrolled at Cat School. She is a happy kitten and a good student. Agatha receives good grades in her courses: Vocalization, Dance, Pouncing, History of Cats and Snuggling. We would like to see her work on Staying Off Counters and Wearing a Collar. She works well with her peers and has many friends among her classmates. Agatha's participation in Bottle Cap Soccer and Chase the Scrunched Up Paper Ball is very good for a kitten her age.

Agatha's teacher, Miss Frisky Whiskers, sends along this comment:
"Agatha knows her name, maintains eye contact when spoken to, purrs sweetly and likes to snuggle. I enjoy Agatha as a student in my Cupcake Kittens Class."

If we may be of assistance to you, please contact us by calling the Cat School office.


Professor Whiskers

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Dubby's Diary

Dear Diary,
This is Dubby. Fish is grumpy and won't blog. Agatha is too young. Our dog, Annie, is busy.
Do you remember how my heart hurt when Whistle died? I had a big hurt in my chest that three dozen cat cookies couldn't fix. Everyday felt slow and sad like a day filled with hissing and head swipes.
Then, the best thing ever happened to me. I got a kitten named Agatha. She is little and has green cats and black fur. She took medicine when she first came to my house and had skinnyness which our human family doesn't allow. Now she is shiny like Fish and me and has a round tummy like....well, maybe somebody like me.
Anyway, having my own kitten makes me very happy.
My job is to help her learn cat stuff. Her job is to be my snugglebunny. And, clean my ears.
She knows how to do most stuff but sometimes she makes mistakes like jumping into the toilet when the lid was left up by that boy. Ewww.
Ooops! It's nap time. See you later, tater.