Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Letter from Management

To Inside Cats:

It has come to my attention that throw-up was found in HER closet on a pair of HER shoes. Please, remember Rule #4 if you must toss your cat cookies, hairballs or such, please find a washable surface (brick floor, tile) to use as your toss goal. Cease and desist blowing cat cookies in any closet or near human possessions. While it may be difficult to determine human possessions in a home, use your judgement.

Further, Management requests that loud meows be reserved for hours when the bedroom is lighted, not when bedroom is dark. While humans appreciate your rich interior lives as Mr. Adventure, Wild Cat and I am a Wuff, when the room is dark, be quiet.

Please allow the pantry door to remain closed. You will not be able to claw your way into the pantry. Beating on the door with open paws while wailing will not open the door. The pantry is off limits to any orange cat or grey and white cat. THIS MEANS YOU.

You are on the grazing meal plan. This means food is available 24/7 so you may eat
small meals throughout the day and night. Parking yourself next to the food bowl to eat all of the kat kibble two or three times each day is not good. You live in a state where obesity is an issue. The Dept. of Cat Concerns says overeating may lead to muffin tops from the neck downwards, diabetes and general slovenly appearance.
Remember, the phrase "fat cat" means someone with money, not overweight feline-age.

Finally, Management will be away for a few days. As a courtesy, please behave. The contest, "How Many Loud Things Can I Try to Break" isn't until August 2012. Do not practice while Management is out-of-town.

Thank you for your attention to these matters.
Your Management Team


Sue said...

Dear Management,

It is not always easy to frow up in the right spot. We personally prefer to frow up on soft surfaces like carpets and beds, and yet SHE would prefer we do so on a hard surface. We think the next best thing to carpet might be the kitchen counter (she *did* say hard surace) but we will have to wait for the next frow up incident.

We'll keep you up to date on any new developments.

Truffle and Ouzo

1-4 Grace said...

Dear Management,
I got fussed at for frowing up on a new book. This too was a hard surface. It was even a HARD back book.
WHat's up with that??
I got fussed at for hollering when I caught the grey mousie one night.
Isn't it good to catch mice and keep them from bothering my who mans?
Even if it is a toy mousie?

Rev SS said...

LOL ... from one manager to another ... good luck getting buy in on these guidelines -:)

Mary Beth said...

Dear Management,

I howl all the time now during the night. My people don't know what I mean by it. Can you please tell them?

Mama Kitty

1-4 Grace said...

I likes to howl at night and stalk invisble prey. Is that bad?

1-4 Grace said...

I frowed up on one of the wise men.
I think it was the frakenisence that made me sick.