Mailbag

Whistle here. Hope you are well. I'm doing fine. Here's a letter from the Mailbag:

Dear Fish:
My owner may be considering seminary. He mutters "exegesis", "pericope" and "student loans" often. You are a preacher's cat so maybe you can help me. Any tips on cat protocol as a P.C.?
---Kitty Kitty Graham

Dear Kitty Kitty:

Preacher Cats face several issues. First, if your owner is studying, go sit on books and papers under your owner's nose. Pay attention to keyboards and learn to make music by standing or sitting on the keys. Keyboards are like warm beds, too.

Second, when church people visit in your owner's home, make them feel welcome by hiding. If you do come out to look the church person over, get on the kitchen counter. Nothing says "feed the seminarian/preacher" like giving the impression that you are allowed to run wild in the food prep area.

From Sister, our great dog, I've learned that it's important to release your intestinal fortitude as close to the visitor as possible. I don't get this entirely but Sister believes that sharing smells is hospitable. She sniffs everyone, front and back, too.

I've spoken to Whistle about this next one. Please, please, please do not play "personal interaction games" when a church person visits. Leave these for when we are alone. Even if the conversation is stale or stumbling, no one needs to see Whistle's imitation of "Brokeback Kitty".

Finally, can you share your fur? Make sure the visitor leaves covered in your fur.

If your owner goes to seminary, have no fear about dorm living. Our owner had a cat in the dorm at UTS. The seminary catalog specified that students were allowed "only aquariums and terrariums". She named her cat, "Terry" and they lived a happy life in a dorm room.

Preacher Cats have a high calling to comfort owners. Give some leg rubs when sermon writing is going slowly. Wake your owner up early on Sunday mornings. Purr when you see your owner praying.

Sincerely,

Fish