School Report

Things I See When I Look Out the Window, a list by Whistle
For Prof. Whiskers September 17, 2009

Doves
Blue Jays
Cardinals
Hummingbirds

Geckos
Grasshoppers
Love Bugs
Yellow Jackets
Bugs with Orange Pants

Snails

Sister, my Dog
Andy, my Brother
Fish, on his daily Courtyard Rounds
Opossums, if I stay up late at Night

Note to Professor Whiskers, Please sir, give me an "A" on this list. Love from Whistle

Kitteh Update

Whistle

I got a new piece of yarn! My birthday is coming up in August!
Momma came home and gave us Greenies!

Fish

I'm singing in the Catty Chorus this year! I'm singing a solo of "There are Greenies in Gilead" and get to wear a choir robe! My paper, "Why Cats Are So Great" won 2nd prize in the Essay Contest! I think my grades are good, as always!

Andy
Busy. Spring is busy. Monitoring squirrels and birds. Later, tater.

Dubby
I hate Fluffy XXXXXXXX! She says I am stupid! She is mean to me everyday at Cat School. She told Mrs. Velvet Paws that I was the kitteh who ate the birthday cookies! I did not!

When we practiced our choral song, one of the younger kittehs pointed at my paws and laughed. I started crying and Prof. Whiskers asked me to go to his office! He was nice to me and licked my head but I feel sad.

I WILL NOT wash my nose! Nobody can make me. That dirt looks just like nose freckles.

I do not like anyone but Sister, my dog. I want to stay at home with her. I don't want to go to Cat School ever ever again.

A Note from Cat School

The Faculty of Cat School met to discuss Dubby's request that he be allowed to bring Sister the Dog to Show and Tell. While we appreciate the close relationship between Dubby and his nanny, Sister, we feel that Sister's presence at Cat School will be disruptive. Very few, if any, of our students live with dog nannys. While we hope for the day when all animals may gather in peace, that day has not come to Cat School. We hope you understand. Please call me if I may be of help to interpret our decision to Dubby further.

Sincerely,

Prof. Whiskers

Cat School: Take Home Exam

Cat School Take Home Exam
Class: Human Interaction
Instructions: You may use Chapters 1-5 of Dr. Fluffy Tendertoes' Human Interaction for House Cats, 2007. Carrboro Cat Press books.
Student: Dubby


1. When your human is working on either a technical, craft or housework project, you:
a. stand where the human is working
b. sit where the human is working
c. play with tools, string or material of human
d. take a nap in another room

2. To wake up your human, you:
a. bite nose of human
b. put fresh litter box paws on human's mouth
c. start a Cat Party!
d. wait until the alarm clock sounds

3. If your human is sewing, knitting or crocheting, you:
a. play with thread or yarn
b. try to sit on human's lap or working area
c. pay no attention

4. If your water dish is empty, you:
a. stand in bowl and wail
b. kick bowl with paws for noise
c. wail
d. wait until the bowl is filled to drink

5. When a human enters the bathroom, you:
a. insist on coming into the bathroom
b. want to sit on human's lap if human sits
c. stare at human with amazement, every time
d. allow human privacy

6. If your human is reading, you:
a. keep the human company by sitting on the reading materials
b. yell for food
c. dash through the room acting terrified
d. curl up on the floor and take quiet nap

7. You are accused of bad cat behavior, you:
a. look innocent
b. refuse to move from offending area
c. take a good long bath
d. roll on your back, paws in the air and ask for forgiveness

8. When humans are away from your home, you:
a. do whatever you wish
b. find projects you are denied when humans are home
c. play with toilet paper or paper towel rolls
d. write poetry about how lonely you feel

9. Where is the highest place you can jump to to knock things off?
a. bedroom bookshelves
b. bookshelves in family room
c. pull down linens in linen closet
d. take a nap instead

10. How often do you try to run outdoors?
a. every time the exterior doors are opened
b. every day or so I make a run for it
c. tear the weather stripping off most exterior doors
d. never

Bonus Essay Question: Why Cat Contact is Important to My Humans. One page, single spaced.


****Dubby made an A+ 110 points

Dubby Completes Christmas Cat Cookie Tutoring

Dear Prof. Whiskers:
Dubby learned to eat cat cookies from a human's hands during the Christmas Break.
He is a fine young cat who works hard to do his studies.
Sincerely,
Sister, Cat Nanny




Dear Prof. Whiskers,
Dubby is bogus! He pretends to need tutoring in cat cookies! He just pretends!
Signed,
A friend




Dear Professor Whiskers:
I know how to eat cat cookies from my human's hands! It's fun!
I am a big cat now.
Love,
Dubby

Dear Truffle and Ouzo,

We are studying Cats of the Cold White Stuff at Professor Whiskers. We don't have school today because the cat who ride the bus have flooding at their homes. We don't have flooding here but YOU MUST COME HERE RIGHT THIS VERY MINUTE!!!

We have hot, blowing wet BREFF outside today!


Yes! Outside feels like the sky has breff with humidity*.

We think you haven't felt this kind of wind.

We don't know about Cold White Stuff except in books.

You can have some of Fish's Cat Bits to eat when you get here.

And, some of his cat cookies.

Love,

Whistle



*Hat tip to Fish who remembered this word!

School started on August 7. We don't know why our school can't wait until after Labor Day.

Professor Whisker's has many exciting plans for us this year.

First, we are studying birds as our school theme. Mom put up three new bird feeders for us to use in our studies.

Dubby says he wants to study bugs. We did that last year when he was too little to know anything.

Fish is writing a treatise on cats as the reason for English literature. We aren't allowed to speak to him when he is busy with research. I think he is napping. He says he is thinking deep thoughts.

Andy is busy preparing for the height of hurricane season. He comes inside to eat and claw the rug in the family room.

Sister says we must behave in school. We must have clean faces and paws before we go to class. She is the best Dog Nanny ever!

I had to write this post to prove I am not fixated on my Birthday (!!!!!!!!!)

Love,

Whistle (3 in 6 days!!!!!!!!!)

Whew! Busy cats here! Finishing the Spring Term at Prof. Whiskers!

Fish's "Monastic Adventurer: The Story of One Fierce Orange Cat" won the 2008 Herbert Catbowl Prize. My paper on the ethics of Greenie sharing didn't do as well. I had to go see the School Chaplain to discuss my moral maturity. Prof. Whiskers said I didn't have a chance defending my plan to never, ever share Greenies.

Dubby tied for First in Knots with Fluffy but both were happy. Dubby did very well for a first year coming in Second in Most Improved Kitten.


We have a big picnic tonight. Our last class is tomorrow morning when we turn in our text books and sign up for Fall classes!


Whistle

We have trouble in our peaceable kingdom. Sister went out a few minutes ago for her final walk around the yard. Who knows what she does out there? She says she doesn't discuss indelicate things. When the door opened to Outside, Fish blasted into the OUTSIDE. Why would he do this? Nightime is dark and chilly. Now Sister has to stay OUTSIDE until Fish decides to wander back to the door.

Mr. C. says Dubby isn't growing much. He says Dubby may be full-grown now. We've had Dubby as our brother for 8 months. He eats all the time so is he going to grow more? Mr. C. says Dubby is like a three-quarter guitar. Mom looks worried.

We finish Prof. Whisker's classes in May. I'm working on a big project involving dirt kicking in that big tree thing in the family room. I work on it everyday and I'm not finished. The tree has dirt and hasn't fallen over. My work continues...

I hope Fish comes home soon. I hope Dubby is growing and will be big like us. I hope I can excavate the tree by Finals.

Fish, a few Greenies will make everything better

A Poem by Whistle

A temper do I have me now,
Upon my furred and whiskered brow,

No one wilt play with me this day
I'd soon they banish all away,

No bathtub bashing,chase or bite,
For this poor puss...wailing plight.

by Whistle because Prof. Whiskers made us write poetry which is stupid because cat poetry involves the whole cat's movement and subtle meowing, not words in "meter". I am being prepared for a cat world that does not exist! I do not care for Cat Academy!

Rules and Rules and More Rules

I am sick of rules!

I am a Cat. What's with the rules?

Prof. Whiskers won't let us use LOL Cats spelling.

Mom says "Stop scratching the furniture!"

Mr. C. says, "Get out of my closet!"

Fish says, "Leave me alone!"

Dubby says, "It's TIME to PLAY WITH ME NOW!!!"

Sick of rules! I need a cruise!

Whistle

Dear Whistle and Fish,

Please do well in school at Prof. Whiskers. We want you to have many career options. Poor grades limit your university and grad school choices.

Study this photograph. This ginger kitty is industrious but wouldn't it get boring to iron human shirts all day long? I bet he wishes he'd paid more attention in catechetics class.

Love,

Mom

P.S. Thanks to Aunt Songbird for the photo!

Progress Report from Professor Whiskers

Dear Mrs. Casserole,

Fish is doing well in school although he prefers to do projects alone rather than in groups. His work with making tents of everything shows a strong for privacy. His grades are good. His best friend is Whistle.

Whistle is doing well in school although he talks in class often. He is a good-natured cat. He has many friends due to his genial nature. He reaches out to comfort his classmates. I asked him why he wore a "hiss at me" note placed by a boisterous fellow student. He said he wore it because it made the student happy. He entertains us with quotes from his Nanny: "Take a nap and you'll feel better", "Clean ears are beautiful ears" and so on. Whistle wants to invite Sister the Dog to be his Show and Tell but not all cats love dogs. I'm sure you understand.

Young Dubby is adjusting well. He is eager to participate in all activities at school. He works hard at his studies. He becomes distressed when he cannot find Fish or Whistle. He eats a good lunch and several big snacks during the school day. He learned to spell "polydactyl" today which seemed to please him. When he wrote the word on the school litter box I reminded him of school rules about defacing property.

We are delighted to have Fish, Whistle and Dubby at our school. Mrs. Fluffy asks that I remind you that it will be your turn to bring Greenies for the snacks Tuesday.

Please contact me if I may be help to you.

Sincerely,

Professor Whiskers

Busy with our studies at Prof. Whisker's Cat School. Busy teaching Dubby how to be a good kitten. Busy taking naps, kicking cat litter and chasing things.

We are busy cats.

Love,
Whistle

Interview: Whistle with Dubby

Whistle here.

I'm interviewing Dubby.

Whistle: Tell us, Dubby, how it's going for you...

Dubby: Just great! I love it here! I have EVERYTHING I need: great kitten chow all the time, you, Fish and Andy and my own Nanny Sister!

Plenty to do here! Lots of blinds to play with! Good rugs to knead with my claws! I love my Owners! You let me take a nap with you!

W: Anything bothering you?

D: Nope.

W: Plans for the future?

D: Doing well at Prof. Whisker's Cat School, learning more tricks, pooping in designated areas only, making turkeys for Thanksgiving by outlining my paws....you know, that sort of thing.

W: You are a good kitten. Let me say just like Fish doesn't want anyone to disturb him when he's under his Sacred Turtle Quilt, I don't want you to use my blog. Got it?

D: Oh, sure! No more using your blog!

W: Great. Anything else for our readers?

D: Yeah, I have very clean ears! Whistle cleans my ears and does general grooming for me! Is that the best or what? I smell like my brothers and my Nanny now!

W: You are welcome, lil' fella! Ok. That's the interview. Remember the part about not using my blog...

D: No prob! Wanna play?

W: Sure....

That's the news from here,

Whistle of THIS BLOG WHICH IS MINE, ALL MINE

Stealth Blogger: Dubby

Here I am. Whistle can bluster all he wants but I can type faster than he can! Get a load of my paws! He's in the kitchen chewing cat chow so I came in here to blog.

I love my home and family! I landed in butter!
Great cat crunchies for food. I don't miss that canned stuff at the Book Store but the noise of a popping can catches my ears.

I love W. and F.! Whistle lets me play with him and Fish will learn to love me, too. Sister is the best dog Nanny in the entire world, maybe the universe!

I love Greenies, bottle caps, cat toys and books. Yes, I'm going to Prof. Whisker's School with the older brothers. I'm learning how to be a locksmith, play the piano and programming. All of us polydactyl kitties get to be on the Paw Track there. For fun, when it rains and we can't go into the playground, we practice tying knots.

Gotta go, here comes Whistle. You can call me "Happy Dubby" because I am.

Dear Mrs. Inner Dorothy,

Thank you for the cat breff mints and treats. We tried to sit like the Buddha Cat on the bag of treats but Fish's splint won't bend. We have fresh breff and happy tummies.

Please give our best regards to your people and to Ouzo and Truffle. We want to be international pen pals with Ouzo and Truffle. Our teacher, Prof. Whiskers, says we need to "broaden our vistas" because we live in a tiny place in the Deep South.

We send you love, snorgles and several whisker tickles,

Whistle

P.S. I'm writing this for Fish because he is napping. Mom told him to practice his thank you note writing but he just keeps his eyes closed.

We finished class today at Prof. Whiskers. I'm not sure how my grades are this term. I know I tried hard, between long naps, to do my assignments but SPRING! distracted me.

We have green frogs on the windows at night. We have big bugs outside. I can smell fresh grass on my people's shoes when they walk by.

It's not easy to pay attention with the smell of SPRING! everywhere.
I turned in my essay, "Affect: Who Cares" two days before the deadline but Prof. Whiskers returned it the next day and said I needed to include more information about the Cat Stare. I re-wrote and gave it back to him. I think I did well but he will e-mail my grades to the 'rents in 10 days.

Fish gets his cast off soon. The vet calls it a "splint" but it looks like a cast to me. She changed it (had a bunch of cat hair on it!) from green to purple. I think she is an L.S.U. fan. Fish runs everywhere with that cast until he sees a human. Then he limps and looks pitiful. Our Mom gives him extra cat treats EVERY DAY. WRONG! As they say, "doesn't anyone care???"
He spends hours underneath his turtle quilt or underneath bed covers. I don't know what he is doing but I think he is depressed that he can't play soccer or any sports. Before his injury, he lived for the High Jump so I think he is very sad.

Enough about him. He can get his own blog.

Our mom is gone, maybe forever. We don't have water in the study water bowl and the litter box is disgusting. I ate dog food for two days because Sister ate my food and no one noticed our cat bowl was empty. I miss her. She should come home. Pretty Girl told us that Mom is "just in the next room" but I've searched and cannot find her.

Cat treats Rule!,

Whistle