Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Fish Speaks to Issue of Playfulness

Dear Agatha,

As you may observe, I am not going to play with you. You are a kitten, an untried mixture of "cute"* and activity.

I am a contemplative older cat, wise in years, dignified, private and very good-looking. I follow a Benedictine Spirituality for Cats**.  Playful? I am not.

Get over it and stop trying to pat my face, play with my tail, jump on me when I am under the covers meditating, try to get my cat cookies, chase me down the hall, ask me questions, try to sniff me and etc.

Being a distinctive Ginger Cat and published author of 27 e-books of poetry, deep thoughts and suggestions for How to Run the World, I am too busy to play.

Yours with a paw with your name on it,

*I don't think you are cute. Everyone else says you are cute.
**Benedictine but not following the rule of being kind to other cats.

Monday, May 14, 2012

The Horrors of Daily Kitten Life

Yesterday Agatha stayed in the CLOSET when the door closed! She was trapped and even I with my extra toes could not get the door opened to save her. She meowed until the BIG CAT opened the door to let her out. Yours, Dubby

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Memo from Senior Cat Fish

To be distributed throughout the home:

1. The Cat Climbing Tower is mine. Do not sit on the lower portion. Do not sit on the top portion.

2. When Cat Kibbles are served, remain 42" from the bowl and wait until I have eaten. When I have eaten and begun a bath, remain 42" from the bowl because I may return to bowl for a second helping. After I have walked 6' from the bowl showing no interest in the crumbs left in the bowl, you may eat the crumbs. Do not leave "floaties" in the water bowl.

3. The Cat Quilt sent to ME by My Sue is off-limits. I found black and white fur on it yesterday and sent it out to be cleaned. Do not even breathe near my Cat Quilt.

4. Ear Scratches are for me first.

5. When I enter the room, do not approach me to sniff me, attempt to play with me or ask me questions about theology. Not. Interested.

Sincerely and with the hope you will get the message,

Fish, Sr. Cat of Household

Monday, January 23, 2012

Dubby's Diary

Dear Diary,

I'm proud of my kitten, Agatha. She's doing great with learning to lapsit, chasing paper balls and snuggling. Every cat should have a kitten for a pal!

Before Agatha was my kitten, I thought I would never have a friend. My cat Whistle and my dog Sister both left me. Fish is a contemplative in the Order of Grumpy Cats so he doesn't need me. He says mean things to me and tries to hit me with his paw.

Agatha loves me and I love her. She calls me "Mom", "Dad", "Uncle" and "Mr." I don't think she knows much about titles.

Oh! She is learning to meow in her big cat voice. You should hear her!